The T-shirt Corporation

Just arrest your thoughts, lock up your brain, throw it in an iron cage, and implant it in the chest of a prostitute. Or better yet a housemaid. Or even better still Lee Holloway, in a housemaid’s uniform.

Your life follows my track from now on. Now do the dusting and pick up that crumb I just dropped damnit! And be quick smart about it.

Fuck you! Don’t even look at me. And don’t talk back! Don’t ever talk back.

You could be my Lee Holloway but only your Inspector Daniel Clay. You live for me. You exist to satisfy me, not you.

And don’t ever talk back.

–
JUST FUCKING DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF FOR ONCE DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why the fuck do i have to make all the motherfucking phone calls and take the motherfucking photos and fix the motherfucking some shit and pick up your motherfucking some other shit and have to understand three fucking different fractured paragraphs coming from three fucking different fucking mouths and i can’t do anything!!!!!!!! i can’t even think sometimes. and my head hurts every day. i fucking mean it. the motherfucking seven year headache. seven fucking years, every day, that’s like what? 2556.75 fucking headaches. that’s a fucking lot of headaches. every fucking day. i am going to cut my thigh three ways past next sunday 2009. i’d really really really really really really really like to do something for myself without fucking being told off for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

damnit man you didn’t go through this ‘stage’ too!
what if mine’s not a stage?
you always say that whatever i’m going through is just some damn ‘stage’ you went through
well look at this: you got out of the stage and years down the track i’m still in it.
still think its a stage?

what if mine is the fucking path i’m meant to be taking
but because you’re always right i’m just going through a stage
and i haven’t learned anything
and i am doomed to failure
and i am wrong as always
and i will live to regret my decision
and i never ever ever ever ever know what’s right for me but you always do!
and what???? all the other times this has happened are just stages like this one?!
and what? its never a sign that its the path i should be taking?
and what? there’s no path?

No! Damnit man!

in a year i’m gonna be depressed again
and i’m gonna be crying every night again
and i’m gonna be suicidal again
and i’m gonna be going to therapy again
and i’m gonna go through this ‘stage’ again
and i’m gonna want to change paths again
and what if i should just change now damnit!
what if i just change proper change and not change into something you want me to change into
and i just change into what i want to change into
and maybe, just maybe i can avoid:
-depression
-crying
-insanity
-loneliness
-dreading waking up every morning cause it just means that i have to face another shitty day where i want to do nothing else except blow my fucking brains out cause every minute im alive i feel like my life is being drained cause everywhere i look is my big emptiness and there’s nothing i see worth hanging around for and i just want to be happy for once damnit!

i’m sick of being depressed. the cure is on my right. why not take it?

i’m sick of being depressed. i don’t get cures here, i get temporary pain relief in:
-CD
-DVD
-game
-movie
-toy
-shoes
-clothes
-whatever other damned pretty plastic disposable consumable product (made by some sorry chap in taiwan whose exploited by some fat bastard who lives in a house worth more that taiwanese guys life and that of his whole family) they come out with tomorrow cause you know i’m gonna buy it and i’m gonna cry cause i bought it which just makes things worse damnit!

i’m sick of being depressed. the cure is on my right. the cure, not relief. the cure, not an ease of the pain. the cure, not a quick fix. the cure!!!!

why not take it?

–
the last two days were some of the happiest in my life. i played happy songs. i listened to Belafonte. i dreamed a little dream. i was walking on air and flying away on a wing and a prayer. i was packing my bags and leaving on a jet plane. i was with people i love and i didn’t want it to end.

I was happy.