I don’t know when I’ll be updating The T-shirt Corporation again, if I ever update it. I hate this thing as much as I love it and almost everything I wrote on it kills me as much as it brings me life. A part of me wants to keep up with it, but I know I’ll also be relieved to leave it behind me. I also don’t know what internet availablity is going to be like where I’m heading. For now I’m putting the site on ice, a period I will officially call Kowalski, in honour of the last American hero to whom speed means freedom of the soul.

The T-shirt Corporation has pretty much served its purpose: to get me writing on a regular basis. My writing’s probably also improved just out of practice, but in all honesty I still think that, for the most part, my writing just plain sucks. Maybe one day I’ll be able to write real quality work that will be worthwhile reading and people will finish reading it and think, “Hmmm… that was really worth my while”, but for now that’s just a pipe dream.

I would have liked the last update to be Where to From Here? as it is exactly where my life is at right now. I’m in the middle of the most beautiful, most painful thing ever, and I have no idea.

I’m planning on blogging (I hate that word!!!) my overseas journey. Maybe I’ll link to it on here sometime.

Thanks,

-S

Drowning in uncertain melancholy,
I look at every face with suspicion;
Every handshake is dishonesty,
Every word condescends.

I’m devastated,
Conquered and depleted,
Desolate,
And my heart’s defeated.
My land is yours,
Your flag is raised
And I’m lost in
This smoky haze.

You killed me,
And now I have no idea.
You killed me,
And I don’t know where to from here.

I don’t know
Where to now.
There’s no escape,
The bridge is down.
You’ve laid waste
To all my defenses,
So I surrender myself
To the consequences.

You killed me,
With a smile on my face.
You killed me,
And took me to a better place.

Slip and slide into sparkling times
Surround me in sensuality sublime
Never mind the passing of time
Just stay here and be always mine

 Swept away by the twilight vespers,
Always wished to be wrapped in a sparkling deep-blue blanket of stars.
Slow dancing together in the springtime,
But who’ll keep you warm when you’re lost on Mars?

And who’ll be around to keep you company in the winter time,
When flowing streams of meteors carry you through moments of indiscretion.
But there’s no one but me there every time I lie to myself.
And I lose all sense of which direction.

The stars are beautiful,
And their beauty…
They will continue to shine
Even as this world is smashed into dust.

And I find it sad
That some of the most beautiful things in this world
Aren’t a part of this world,
Are separate from this world,
And will never be a part of this world.

As some of the most beautiful things in my world
Aren’t a part of my world,
Are separate from my world,
And will never be a part of my world.

I swear not three days ago I was swimming through the skies,
Amazing how life can go from the highest of highs to the pits right before your eyes.
A crash so hard you thought you’d never rise,
Yet still life carries on in a never-ending reprise.

The stream never stops, not for the greatest of losses,
Not for the blue collar man nor those supposedly hung on crosses.
And the world blinks not an eye at the death of war bosses,
But pays as much attention to random bar-room coin tosses.

I’m so tired of being alone,
I’m sick of crying every day,
I just have to get away,
I don’t want to be here any more

I just have to get away,
Far away from pain and cries,
Far away from all your lies,
I don’t want to be here anymore.

There’s nothing left for me but rules,
Secrets, and interruptions now.
Just blindly follow, unquestioning.
A place where there’s no room for disagreement.

Listen to the voices of unreason and disunity.
None of the people who love me are here.
I just have to get away,
Far, far away from here.

Life’s a blur.